I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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