that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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