Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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