But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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