Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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