i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
