Rock
Scissors
Fuck
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
