I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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