it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
the liver wants what the liver wants
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
