Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
