At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
