My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
