I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
