I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
