Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize