no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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