May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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