What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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