For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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