I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
