My Higher Power is John Stamos
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
