i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
