I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
