Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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