I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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