nut hugger
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
