I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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