matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
