Umm I'm too high to move.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
