i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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