Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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