sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
