I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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