glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
