LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize