She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize