My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
