...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
