So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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