I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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