Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
