pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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