Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I currently don't understand fingers.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
