I accidentally burped into my bong.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
