It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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