remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
