I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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