girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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