Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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