Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I love you. Go after that dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
