What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
