What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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