she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
