There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
