I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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