I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
