I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I need water and some morals
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
