Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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