need another drink. this is the easiest way
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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