i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
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Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
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I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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