Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize
