dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she told me i tasted like america
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
