Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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