I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
