My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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