When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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