I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize